Yamim Nora'im concepts

Why don't we just start with some Yamim Nora'im concepts?
Such as...

• That there is any such item, inherently, as a "Yom Nora".
• That God is a "King".
• That he is - even metaphorically - "in the field".
• That torturing a live chicken (or rooster) by swinging it around your head while muttering magical incantations, will deflect "punishment" for "sins". (Might be the basis for a really funny Looney-Tune, though.)
• That swinging pictures of dead presidents while performing the above actions, (used by those who contemplate being stuck, after "shlugging kappores", with a nauseous chicken) - will accomplish the same effect.
• That the religiously- based definition for sin is valid.
• That we are all sinners.
• That our Fathers were sinners.
• That we are all such heinous sinners
• That we require atonement.
• That the above-referenced atonement requires begging, pleading, bowing, crying, and praising this God. (Charity is OK, I think - it's rarely a bad idea for any reason.)
• That blowing a ram's-horn helps,
• That "hiding" the Ram's-horn in a tallis bag (or, for especially clever Rabbis, under a tallis) will keep the "Satan" from knowing what we're doing. (Snicker, giggle, Heh, heh, heh!)
• That leaving out a fraction of the Shofar Morse-code will inhibit the effect it has.
• That multiple, repeated public confessions of detailed guilt are needed - or appropriate.
• That whipping symbolically is a good thing to do.
• That beating willows on the ground instead of each other's backs is a good thing to do.
• That a 6-12 hour prayer service will accomplish anything that a 1 hour service cannot.
• That one-twelfth of the entire year needs must be spent on self-mortification, and apologizing to God.
• That natural evil in the world may come from sin. And we deserve it - personally, communally.
• That praying to an Angel named Af Bri for rain is in any way on a higher level than a tribal rain dance. (Well, at least WE are on a first name basis - Ha! you pagan ignorami!)
• That insulting our noble ancestors and verbally degrading ourselves is appropriate and helpful.
• That wearing leather shoes might get us killed. (Assuming they fit well when crossing a busy street, of course.)
• That it makes rational and ethical sense to follow a religion which began with a man being willing to slaughter his beloved son - at the behest of an invisible friend. (No matter how lovely and noble some traditions may be.)
• That ritual sacrifice was needed by holier, better generations, the dust of whose feet we are unworthy to lick (despite the statement we make that they were all sinners) - but now verbal atonement will do, but we should fervently pray for a resumption of the bloody slaughter as of old; so that we can see for ourselves, with ringing joy, innocent animals having their throats slit, and the blood sprinkled, poured, and smeared, all so that we will be forgiven for sins we might not realize we have committed.
• That a sane Deity thinks this is so very good - and, in fact, demands it.
• That God thinks all this is really nifty.