The Taping of the 12th Episode - April 4, 2006 |
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The Taping of the 12th Episode - April 4, 2006 |
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The Taping of the 12th Episode
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Written by - Shlomoh Sherman and Tony Dadika |
While Shlomoh is being made up, Mo Gelber clowns around 
 Tony, Bob, and Rose prepare the set 
 Laura Mae Baker is prepped for her role as Helga 
 Mo Gelber studies his script for the JEW STUPID contest 
 Rose gives Shlomoh encouragement for his big role as Der Fuerher 
 Bob prepares Mo for his contest skit. 
 Tony relaxes before the shoot begins 
 Tony and Shlomoh chat before the shoot 
 Shlomoh practices his "evil" Hitler face 
 Getting ready to shoot the Hitler skit. |
 Mo does the JEW STUPID contest bit View the Jew Stupid Video - CLICK HERE |
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Tony: Hey Shlo, Isn't it your birthday today?
Shlomoh: Yes it is. April 20. Tony: Oh shit! You know whose birthday it is today too, don't you? Shlomoh: Yeah. The Fuehrer. How can I forget it? Tony: What a disgrace! A nice Jewish boy has to share his birthday with that asshole. Shlomoh: Yeah, and remember, Tony, I was a little boy during World War Two, and I had to Tony: The kids must have been mean to you about it, huh. Shlomoh: The kids? Forget about it. My parents were mean to me about it. Tony: How's that? Shlomoh: Well they would make a birthday party for me and instead of handing out little Tony: Come to think about it, you look a little like Hitler. Shlomoh: How's that? Tony: [shrugs] Shlomoh: Hey Tony, I do a Hitler impression. Wanna see it? Tony: Sure. Go ahead. Shlomoh: [impression] Tony: OK, be glad it's not Arafat's birthday. What's on the show today? Rose: Excuse me, guys, someone is here to wish Shlomoh a happy birthday. Shlomoh: Oh yeah? Who is that? Rose: A lady named Helga. She came all the way from Berlin. Tony: Berlin New Jersey? Rose: No, Berlin Germany Shlomoh: Oh THAT Berlin. Bring her in. Tony: Hi baby. Welcome to the Tony and Shlomoh Show. Helga: Hi! It's Helga! Tony,Shlomoh: Hi Helga! Helga: Hi! I just came by to wish Shlomoh a happy birthday. Shlomoh,Tony: Thanks. That's very nice of you. Helga: Don't mention it. Shlomoh, did you know that you have the same birthday Tony: Yeah. He was telling me that at the beginning of the show. Shlomoh: Helga. Did you actually know Der Fuehrer? Helga: Oh yeah. I used to work for him. Tony: No kidding! What was THAT like? Helga: It was ok except for one thing. Shlomoh: What's that? Helga: Der Fuehrer used to make all his employees watch the Tony and Shlomoh Show. Tony: No shit! I didn't even know they had TV back then. Helga: Oh yeah. That was one of our secret inventions. TV and the U2 rockets! Tony: Wow! I thought the Jews invented everything. Shlomoh: He must have watched the T&S archives from the 1940s. Tony nods Helga: That's right and Der Fuehrer liked the show except ..... Shlomoh: Except what? Helga: Well ... don't get mad but ... Tony: But what? Helga: He couldn't stand that fat Italian bastard, Tony. Shlomoh: Why not? Tony is such a nice guy. Helga: Yeah, I know that .... but Der Fuehrer said that Tony reminded Tony: [mad] Oh yeah? Well what else did the prick not like about the show? Helga: Well you know ... uh ... um ... Well ... Shlomoh Tony: What about Shlomoh? Helga: Well you know ... he's one of THEM. Shlomoh: One of whom? Tony: Yeah, one of who? Helga: You know ... THEM. Tony: Them who? A comedian? Helga: No, you jerks. A Jew! What's the matter with you? Sint Sie messuggah? Tony: Hey stop that. I took 5 years of advanced German in High School. Helga: Oh! Sorry! But anyway, aside from you two, he loved the show. Tony: I see. So how did the prick find out about our show? Helga: Well one day he was visiting Berlin and he pased by this comedy club. Shlomoh: Yeah? And? Helga: And he caught Shlomoh's stand up comedy act. And he sent one of the Shlomoh: And the guy told him about our show? Helga: Ya wohl! Tony: But I don't get it. When Germany first entered the second world war, Helga: Right! And he was funny even then. Tony: No shit! So Der Fuehrer was a real fan of our show? Helga: Yeah. As a matter of fact that's how the allies got him. Shlomoh: What do you mean? |
Helga: Well the allies are moving in, see? And Der Fuehrer is watching a rerun of the show and laughing. Like, hey, this is one of my favorite shows where they talk about Mary Magdeline taking the meat in the back.
Tony: And?
Helga: So he is laughing really hard, and one of the SS men comes in and says, Mein Fuehrer, the allies are closing in. We have to run. And Der Fuehrer says, Wait! Wait! Lemme just see this part about Purgatory.
Shlomoh: Oh! It must have been BEST OF.
Tony: Right. And then what?
Helga: So the SS guy is saying, Mein Fuehrer, please, we have no time; they're almost here. So Der Fuehrer gets real mad and says, DUMKOPF! Didn' I tell you never to bother me when I am watching the Tony and Shlomoh Show? The SS guy starts shaking, and stutters, B-b-but Mein Fuehrer! They are at the entrance to the bunker!
Shlomoh,Tony: Wow! Didn't know he was that great a fan.
Helga: Yeah. Then the rest of the people in the bunker are saying, Fuck that Jew and Mussolini. Let's get the hell outta here. So Der Fuehrer gets up and says, I warned you! The allies can kiss my mustache! I want to see this show! Then he pulls out a gun and shoots Eva Braun, and says - See? The next person to bother me while Tony and Shlomoh are on will get the same.
Tony,Shlomoh: Damn! That's show loyalty!
Helga: Yeah, so as the allies start coming down the stairs into the bunker, Himler and Goering take their guns out and say, Fuehrer! We are with you! In life and in death. Then they shoot Der Fuehrer, and as he is falling down, they yell out, Tony And Shlomoh Uber Alles!
Shlomoh,Tony: You're puttin us on.
Helga: No. Really! That's how it happened.
Shlomoh: But why don't they teach you that it school?
Helga: You know. The Pope!
Shlomoh: Wait a minute, what's HE got to do with it?
Helga: He also liked the Tony and Shlomoh Show and he did't want it to get a bad name so .....
Tony: He made all the historians an offer they couldn't refuse, right?
Helga: Right.
Shlomoh: That boy gets around.
Tony: Told them that the story sleeps with the fishes, right?
Helga: Right. The Pope said, I really love that fat Italian bastard!
Shlomoh Who wouldn't?
Tony: Hey Helga! Thanks for coming in, baby! What's that you're you wearing?
Helga: Oh! This is just my Hitler Youth uniform. I take it out on special occaisions. And this is a special occaision. Happy birthday, Shlomoh.
Shlomoh: Thanks baby!
Helga: Heil the Tony and Shlomoh Show
Tony: Let's get together after the show and have a beer with this broad!
Shlomoh: OK but let me get outa this costume first.
Tony: Good night, Shlo. Good night, Helga.
Shlomoh: Good night Tony, Good night Helga.
Helga: Gute nacht, boys! Zehr gemutlich!
Shlomoh: Und remember! Ich habe einen grossen schwanzschtekker!
Tony: Whatever! Happy Easter.
Shlomoh: Happy Passover.
Fade out.
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