The Taping of the 3 Wise Guys Visit Virgin Mary 12/12/04
The Taping of the 3 Wise Guys Visit Virgin Mary - Scarsdale, NY
This skit was taped in Scarsdale, New York at the home of Shlomoh's Lady Love, Judy Freedman.
Tony was camera man. Judy Freedman and Sefanie Dadika took these candid shots of the taping.
Thank goodness the weather cooperated.
Written by -
SHMOH: You gefilte-fish-heads, youíre both wrong...itís over there!
BARRY: Me, neitherÖ
BURLY: [Suddenly casual] Sure...Iím ready...
SHMOH: Thatís better...letís see the gold.
SHMOH: [Incredulous] You lame brain, this is a membership card to Goldís Gym. He's a baby for Christ's sake. What's he gonna do with a gym membership?
BURLY: Yeah...well the Christ child can work on his abs...right, Shmoh?
BARRY: Yes, Shmoh?
SHMOH: Well unlike that other chowderhead, at least YOU got him what you were supposed to. But itís pronounced MYRRHH, not BURRRR.
BARRY: Myrrh? Whatís that? I said ďbrrrrĒ because Iím cold!
BURLY: [Alarmed] Well, donít look at ME when you say that...!
SHMOH: Yeah? So?
BARRY: A horse ain't KOSHER! It don't "split the hoof".
BARRY: [Putting face close to Torah] Where?
[SHMOH withdraws his finger and slams Torah shut on Larry's nose]
BARRY: [Holding his nose] Ohhh!
SHMOH: Awh, quit bellyaching...now that I've given you a Jewish nose, you can get into the Yeshivah School for free! Now, give me that Burrito!
BURLEY: What's that you brought, SHMOH?
BVURLEY: Who's Frank?
BARRY: Yeah, and why is he incensed?
SHMOH: No, you idiots. Frankincense is a fragrant herb.
BARRY: His name is Herb? I thoought it was Frank.
BURLY: [afraid] Oh, no! I don't want to meet the Frankincense monster...he's big and scary and he has electrodes and he kills people...
SHMOH: That's the Frankenstein monster, you matzoh-ball head... I'm talking about Frankincense, a fragrant herb. And...[Tenderly patting BURLY on the cheek] you won't have to worry about "Frankincense" killing you...because I'll kill you first!
SHMOH: Oh, Virgin Mary! We are the three wise guys come to pay tribute to Jesus Christ. Please accept our humble gifts. By the way, we never got your last name, Mary [Shmoh coughs] ...what was it?
BURLY: Because he don't brush his teeth, lady.
MARY: [Brigtening] Gifts! Well, why didn't you say so? OK! Show your stuff!
BURLY: [stepping forward, presenting Gold's Gym card] Gold...s Gym!!!
MARY: But what's my kid supposed to do with a Gold's Gym membership? He ain't gonna be able to use this for at least 25 more years.
[She throws the gym membership card over to Joseph] Here Joe Babe! You can use this by the look of those love handles.
JOSEPH: Baruch Ata - Asher kidshanu bemitsvotav - borey peri ha gym card. Amen!
MARY: Are you guys kidding me with this stuff? We're talking a king here. A baby king. Do these look like gifts befitting a king? You could've at least gotten him a nice YARMULKE! A Jewish boy can always use a YARMULKE.
BURLY: See? I told you guys, we shudda gone to Cosco's. But no! Do you guys ever listen to me?
MARY: Well...I guess it's the thought that counts.
SHMOH: HEY! Peace on earth!
MARY: [SMACKS SHMOH IN THE FACE WITH THE BURRITO IN SYNCH WITH EACH WORD]
Good...[SOUND EFFECT: Boink!]
Will...[SOUND EFFECT: Boink!]
Towards...[SOUND EFFECT: Boink!]
Men...[SOUND EFFECT: Boink!]
BURLY: HEY! NOW I know why they call your husband SAINT Joseph...
BURLY: Because he has to put up with YOU... Whooh-Whooh-Whooh!
MARY: I'll annihilate you!
SHMOH: [beginning calmly] Hey, fellas, let's do something wise for a change...[panicking] let's GET OUTTA HERE!!!! Yaaa-aaa-aaaaah! A-whooh-whooh-whooh!
SHMOH: Happy Chanukah!
BURLY: Merry Christmas!
BARRY: Happy Kwanza!
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