The Tony And Shlomoh Show
The Taping of the 10 Abduction of Paris Hilton Septemer 04

To see a video clip of this skit, CLICK HERE

September 2004

The Taping of The Abduction Of Paris Hilton - The Dutch House Bar - Fair Lawn, NJ

Tony's daughter, Jennifer, was cameraman. [person?]

The Cast:
Paris - Samara Ducette
McSeenkew - Patty Carolle
Reporter - Stefanie Dadika

Written by -
Eileen Budd and Shlomoh Sherman

Due to air in February 2005

McSeenkew, head of the Guiness Liberation Army is being interviwed by Allison Kreistenberg,
our roving TV news reporter at the Dutch House, Fair Lawn, NY

Reporter: What do you wish to accomplish with your organization?

McSeenkew: We want the voice of the working class people to be heard.

Reporter: Why do you feel they are not being heard?

McSeenkew: Because we're being overrun with overindulged rich kids who are determining our future without ever working an honest day in their lives.

Paris Hilton, who is having a Cosmo with a friend, sits nearby, talking and laughing, making rude, disruptive noises. McSeenkew stands up, grabs her, holding her from behind, and jabs a gun into her back.

McSeenkew: Rid the bars of Bud Lite and Microbrews! Guiness is the one true path!

Reporter: Ladies and gentlemen; this is unbelievable! We are actually witnessing a kidnapping by the Guiness Liberation Army right here on the Tony and Shlomoh News Show!"

As Paris struggles, the newsman shoves the mic in Paris' face.

Reporter: Excuse me, Paris. Can you tell our audience how it feels to be violated on tape?

She thinks a minute.

Reporter: Cancel that. I forgot about that video with your boyfriend. You were goooood, by the way.

Paris gives him a look of disgust then tries to rip away from McSeenkew.

McSeenkew: Down with the rich. Give the working class their due. A Guiness in every pot and pot with every Guiness!

Paris suddenly stops struggling.

Paris: You mean this is all because you just want us to drink Guiness?

McSeenkew: What would you understand about the plight of everyman? Going to the local pub after a hard day's work… feeling comfort from that first sip of room temperature liquid bread…gulping that next pint, and another, and another…those tiny red capillaries on the sides of your nose exploding…worrying about not having enough money to pay your rent but feeling the comfort of a full stomach, bloated with fermented hops and barley?

Paris: Well, I wouldn't know about the hard day's work, not having enough money, or the bloated stomach part. But pounding back pints? Are you kidding? I'm the original party girl. I'll drink anything – Yago, Zima, Night Train, MD 20/20…..You want me to drink Guiness? Sure, no problem.

Paris reaches for a mug of Guiness that McSeenkew left on the nearby table and starts guzzling the beer. It drips out of her mouth onto her shirt. When she gets to the bottom, she wipes her mouth with her arm.

McSeenkew: We have scored a victory for the Guiness Liberation Army. Long live Guiness. Erin go bragh.

She fires the gun into the camera lens.

Paris: Better than that! Erin go bra-less!

She lifts up her shirt to reveal her boobs a la Girls Gone Wild Video.

McSeenkew and Paris: Let's party!

Fade out.

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